A Sneak Peek of Meet Me in St. Gallen

And if every moment spent melts into a memory, I would always hold this sweetness, this nirvana, this fleeting space in time… like sand we seem can’t grip or this coldness we can not shake off. i will always find the attic of you and me as my safest and fondest place. #thoughtsofmymuse #gonebymemories

Ah this is me writing again and indeed, after watching the movie Meet Me in St Gallen my muse somehow was awaken. I have so many thoughts and emotions. I have this feeling of wanting to sing my heart out until I lose my voice – until I am left with no choice but to whisper all the secrets and suppressed longing to the wind.

When did memories have become so hard to repress?

I thought I am over that one person who came and somehow caused so much turbulence with my pacified heart.

But he was hard to forget and today I realize I will always remember what he has taught me about myself.

So this is what the movie did to me. It made me nostalgic and long for those lovely days. Back when sunset meant beauty rather than goodbye. Coffee meant companionship rather than solitude. Back when dreaming was allowed and we can forget about time running out. Back when I didn’t wish there was a parallel world because I didn’t have to ask “what if.”

It might be over. But God I don’t want to change a thing. There is no ounce of regret. And yes, the movie tells you to never regret the things that once made you damn happy and alive. Even if in the end, you’ll have to shake hands with goodbye.

So if you do not want to cry for no clear reason, do not watch this movie. If you don’t want to remember something truly beautiful like sun kissing the horizon, don’t you dare watch this movie.

As for me, I am happy to look back and how the happenstance of you has molded me to someone I could be more proud of.


Four Favorite Fictional Female Characters and a Man to Die For

So I have been lazy these days that I have made up a thousand and one reasons not to read any of the books I have received from great friends and even avoid seeing those I have bought and have stacked in a box.
But today, I was visitng my blog and decided to read other favorited blogs and stumbled upon this five favorite fictional characters kind of topic. Thanks to Josh of Chai and Biscuits for inspiring me to write about my most unforgettable fictional characters.
Needless to say, I adore female characters who can demonstrate the tenacity of their beliefs and withstand tremendous blows of fate and can still move with such grace.

Mariam of A Thousand Splendid Suns has made me weep in countless ways. Despite her life being so tragic, she remained strong and positive. Sometimes, I see her as someone naive every time she opens her heart to people that did nothing but abuse her love and kindness. When her father disowned her and refused to welcome her home, when all her life she has been defending him against the scrutiny of her own mother only to realize how right her mother was. How the betrayal deserve no forgiveness but she still did.
O-lan of The Good Earth is another character no woman reader should ever forget. Her duress and strength were wrapped in her silence. She is a slave who married a farmer thinking she could finally have something she can call her own -a family. However, after years of working side by side with him while bearing and rearing children for him, after all the pain, the sacrifice and the endurance – how her husband has succumbed to the calling of their culture. When he brought his concubine home, she remained unshaken outside. I adore how she has contained all her womanly feelings in control which made me see it as a sort of celebration to the kind of woman she knows she has to be. I do not hate her idea of what her place in this world is. I hated the kind of culture that made her believe she deserves to be put aside and taken for granted. Well, she was governed by old Chinese practices and I have excused her choices but may her life serve as a reminder that most of us do not have to endure the kind of life she had. We do not have to be someone’s second option or a back up plan should all else fail.

Nila Wahdati from the same author as the first character. Nila Wahdati was a very beautiful woman who wrote sensual poetry. She was one of the many fascinating characters in And the Mountains Echoed. She married herself off to a wealthy man, adopted a child thinking it will fill the void she has always been feeling. But no, my friend. Her story will always be a reminder that no other human being can fill the hole inside of you. Not marriage and not even having a child to call your own. Most reviewers say Nila is nothing but a selfish woman and an irresponsible mother but to me she will always be defined as lonely and lost trying to find her importance and worth in the eyes of many men she has slept with. I feel sorry she has wasted so much time seeking love in the arms of strangers when she had a daughter who loves her. But aren’t we act like her most of the time? We go and chase a falling star, ignoring the resplendence of the moon?

Paolo Coehlo’s Brida will always be a favorite. I have read it more than thrice and I still discover new things each time. What I really love about Brida is how she is so certain about what she wants to be. Guess what? She wants to be a witch. Well, the author is known for penning novels about self-discovery and defining what happiness is so this should be no surprise. Brida is the kind of woman I want to be. Knowing what you want is a bliss. Not a lot of people knows the path they would want to take so they get stuck and lonely. So once you figure it out, be like Brida. Be bold and brave to tread the path you wanted.
The last and the only male character I have fallen in love with is Lorens, Brida’s ever supportive boyfriend. Those who have read Brida might have not have given him the kind of credit he deserves. What made me fall in love with this man was this scene:
Lorens was staring at her.

“Why are you staring at me?” she asked rather aggressively.

Who was this man lying on the sofa, staring at her, incapable of saying anything of interest? It was quite absurd. She didn’t need him. She didn’t need anyone.

“Why are you staring at me?” she asked again.

But he said nothing. He merely stood up, went over to her, and very tenderly led her back to the sofa.

“You’re not listening to anything I say,” said Brida, confused.
Lorens put his arms around her.

“Emotions are like wild horses,” she thought.

“Tell me everything,” Lorens said sweetly. “I’ll listen and respect whatever decision you make, even if you’ve met someone else, even if this is good-bye. We’ve been together for a while now. I may not know you that well; I mean, I don’t know exactly who you are, but I

know who you’re not. And you haven’t been yourself all night.”
And I’m literally in awe.
Imagine having someone who knows what you feel and hear the things you don’t say. Someone who understands and believes you. Someone like Lorens. He will always be Brida’s soulmate in my eyes but the book may tell you otherwise.
So yeah, those are the top characters I have for now. I have to read more books to meet more interesting people.
If you have not met them, you better stop making excuses and start looking for them.

Find your five characters or if you have found them already, I would love to know them so do not forget to share.

Of Romance, Weddings and Life Decisions

A spoken poet once said that at the age of 7, a girl has already planned what kind of wedding she wants to have (not sure about the age reference though). A girl has already envisioned what kind of man she wants to be with and who will be part of her entourage. I guess what he was trying to say is – wedding will always be one of women’s greatest ambition. By that I do not mean all female species want grandiosity and dry the pockets of the man she chooses to spend the rest of her life with. I mean women always want to celebrate love and share it with the people that matters.

However, more often than not most women tend to settle for a lot of reasons. Mostly because of fear. Fear of being left out and ending up being alone. Who wants to spend the rest of her life alone anyway?

I have a friend who has always been a bridesmaid. I believe she has attended 4 weddings two years ago where she witnessed one wedding that made her say, ” this is one of those occasion which i hope to never have witnessed. ” It was like a forced wedding if I may say. A month prior to the date, the groom expressed his refusal to get married. Said he is not ready to commit and would like to postpone or call the wedding off. However, the bride insisted because they already have a child and she very much does not share the sentiments of the guy. Furthermore, the girl’s family is the one shouldering the expense since the man didn’t have any job. I do not really know what she did but the guy did appear on the wedding day and made that vow of marriage. After a year, she expressed regret to my friend.

She said the guy never made an effort to find a job after their wedding and has always been cold ever since. She had enough and told her husband to call it quits. But then again, she realized her mistake too late.

So I am writing this blog to remind myself and to all women out there losing hope of finding the kind of man they want to be with.

I would personally prefer being alone than being with a person who makes me feel like I do not matter at all.

Please find someone who doesn’t make you feel alone. Find someone who chooses you again and again over anything else under whatever circumstances. Do not get married just because you’re at marrying age. There’s no law specifying the age you should be getting hitched. So please do not subject yourself to self-pity and regret.

Believe me. You wouldn’t want your children to see how their father can take your feelings for granted, disrespect you as a person and belittle your worth.

Do you honestly want your future children to believe that kind of love is normal and acceptable?

If you are in that kind of relationship, please run away now. We do not need anyone who doesn’t love the love we can give.

A real man who is genuinely in love with you gets excited with your passion whatever it may be. If you get excited over a korean idol, he would be glad to support your craziness over that and can even travel with you just to see a fucking wall (Erwan and Anne’s story). If you love vegetables, he will gladly munch on them even if he has not eaten a single veggie on his 26 years of existence (Jeff and Salee’s story). He will want to be part of your family and be your ally so even if you are miles and miles away, he would still visit your house even when you’re not there just to get close to your parents and relatives (Ralph and Kristy’s story).

You get my point?

He will make an effort to get to you and be with you. The last two couples mention are my real life friends and will always be a constant reminder of how love should be.

Love shouldn’t make you for one second feel alone. If it does maybe you need to reconsider and weigh things – not only for you but for your partner as well.

When it Rains, it Rains

Now you might  not have expected the title. Nothing’s wrong actually. I did it on purpose. Today, Nov 1, Wednesday is one of the days I will always remember.
I missed my flight.

My friend decided to tie the knot in Chiang Mai, Thailand and I was more than happy to be invited in one of her life’s milestones. I’d love to see her glorious smile when she walks down the isle on her white wedding dress.

So we planned for it. However, tough luck has it my friend who I have been planning this trip with had to cancel because of working visa related issues.

I breathe deeeply and I said I will be fine.

October 31, 10:20pm, I left home for my 1:35am Cebu to Manila flight. I arrived in the airport at 10:45pm and checked in. Flight was delayed for an hour and I was fine because I was thinking my flight to Bangkok is at 6:10am so an hour delay shouldn’t hurt much.

I arrived in Manila at 4:10am and proceeded to terminal 3. Checked in but was told that I had to pay the travel tax (ok, no big deal). Line moved a little slow. After, I went back to the drop bag area to get my boarding pass. Got it and lined for immigration. Immigration line was painfully slow like you can wash the dishes that have piled up for three days and the line doesn’t budge. I look at the clock and it was 4:45am which should be ok because my ticket says 6:10. But then I checked my boarding pass and it said 5:35 and I should be at the gate at 5:05 and Im still 6 persons away, that’s when I began to panic.

I’ve been hearing flights being called out but not for Bangkok so I was thinking I’d be ok. However, I could see “final call” for my flight on departure boards. When I was one person away from the immigration officer, they had a system issue which caused another 5 minute-delay. After the scrutinizing question like even if you have not done any criminal act in your whole life you feel you have been found guilty by the immigration officer, I removed my sandals and submitted my things for security check.

I ran.

Didn’t have time to strap my sandals properly because I opted to run and prayed to god not to miss that god damn flight.

I ran.

My feet started to ache from the sudden extreme lower leg activity.

Still, I ran

I ran and missed it.

Only to be told by the airline staff that 351 people were able to get on the flight and I am one of those 10 people they refuse to wait for. He also asked me what took me so long.

” Your fucking flight from Cebu to Manila was delayed and the fucking immigration line was moving as slow as your brain waves.”

No, I didn’t actually say that. Well at least, not out loud.

I tried to be calm and explain but my explanation was not enough to allow me to join that flight. The airline which I refuse to mention here allowed me to get another flight on the following day – gratis.

Still, it didn’t soothe my aching heart. I was feeling like “even airplanes refuse to wait for me.” My hormones eating me up.

But I figured, nobody wants me missing my flight. I do not think the airline wants to cause any inconvenience to their passengers (but no flight should be delayed for an hour.) All we can do is compromise and give the best we’ve got at the moment.

I honestly wanted to break the jaw of the airline staff, of that double faced immigration officer and of all the other people who are happily in a relationship. Lol. But what good does it do to me?

I am not trying to downplay anyone’s emotion. When someone misses a flight, it feels like losing, acquiring only scraped knees to remind you of what you lack or maybe, have failed to do. I can play that part, we can be those people who cry at our own misadventures and shortcomings but what good does it give us?

Can’t we be thankful for no additional expense on the replaced ticket? Or the simple fact we are alive? There must be a reason why we experience missed chances.

I’m taking this as a lesson. A painful lesson I have to deal with.

I do not want to equate a missed flight to all my other failures so I’m writing this to rant, to remind myself I am not the first person who missed a flight and ultimately, to forgive myself.

Everything will be okay.

And i should be thankful.

Lights of Loneliness

Blue lights dance to  red dazzling flare

The tree enchants with vibrant wear.

Then the lights show slowly goes down

If to dance in  merry go round.


Charm my eyes with lovely disguise

Yet heart resounds so lonely cries

Nursing pain, humming lullabies

Inside bright lights, beside sharp lies.


I see two intertwined lost souls

Nostalgia, regret each consoles

But misery has gripped so tight

When feelings go weak – it can’t fight.


When absence brings too much despair

When Christmas lights can’t bring you here

I wish for Santa to vanish this fear

But you are just a ghost my dear.

Liebster Award Full Circle

I was nominated by a great blogger named icanbemyhero. Check out her site to get more of her.

1) If you could only read one book for the rest of your life, which one would it be? Now, that is hard. I guess it would be a poetry book collection titled In Case You Come Back because it mirrors my feelings well.

2) Explain your propose to blogging, why do you do it? First, I do it as an outlet. I tend to feel a lot of things and putting them into words help. Second, I want to communicate to other people. Feel free to talk to me. I love talking.

3) If you could live anywhere, where would it be, and why? I want to be anywhere in Europe. I so love how the continent is drenched in literature and art.

4) What is your favourite TV show? And what are your thoughts on anime? I rarely watch television right now. Anime is the foundation of my childhood. I used to watch them so much that I got influenced by it esp when it comes to valuing friendship. I cried and laugh with them. They are my heroes saving me from life’s woes.

5) Favourite word that you love to use and why? Nostalgia. It’s both haunting and beautiful. Even it’s phoneasthethics is really great.

6) Would you rather have hands for feet or feet for hands? The former because they say I have great fingertips. lol.

7) At what age do you want to die? Cant decide. So many plans, so little time. But yeah I guess the max age I want to live is till 65. When I was still a student nurse, we had to go on duty on nursing homes and that’s when I realized how hard it is living at such senile age. You become dependent most of the time and we all know our loved ones don’t have the luxury of time to take care of us. Family visits are very rare but aside from that, I do not want to live life long when all I can do is reminisce.

8) Who would you tell your deepest darkest secret, without being afraid of what the might think? Mori because he doesn’t expect me to be perfect and I love that.

9) 5 things in life that fascinate you? Rain, flowers, the sea, the moon and poetry.

10) Where do you see yourself in the next 2 years? Europe. Travelling. haha. Writing more. Meeting more poets. I want to write a book. Help people get published.

11) If you could star in a movie, which movie and which character would you choose? Hmm… I want to be in Before Sunrise. I love that movie for there were lots of communication in one single day… So charming and so inviting at the same time.

Now, we are done with the tough questions – I’m going to tell you 11 facts about me. Don’t freak out.

    1. I am in love with words and art. Lol. Now that was easy.
    2. I find coffee shops like time machine where I can walk through the memory lane.
    3. I eat a lot of comfort food when I’m depressed.
    4. Do not mess with me when I’m hungry because I literally turn into a beast.
    5. I love the water. All forms of water and activities you can do in it.
    6. I also do extreme sports from time to time to make me feel I am indeed, alive. I have tried White water rafting, zipline, swinging by the cliff ( I thought I’d die.), cliff diving and canyoneering. I will be posting new pics for some of these extreme sports soon.
    7. I had a Muslim fling. He was gorgeous. However, he isn’t the most honest person in the world. Still, he is the reason why I met another poet who became a dear friend of mine. 
    8. I tend to forget things more often than I should. Trust me, I have had funny and awful moments because of this.
    9. I’m a proud Cebuana!!!
    10. I hate racists.
    11. I turn fascinating people into a written piece. But i guess most writers can’t help doing that.So, that’s all about me. I actually hard time finding eleven things to say. I didn’t expect it to be this tough. It’s pay back time. I am nominating my followers:

1. katrinature

2. SumitOfficial

3. kaifulwara

4. mmleonard

5. Martian Poet

Here are your eleven questions to answer:

  1. If you could write a book, what genre would it be and why?
  2. If you could be an Xmen character, who would you choose and why?
  3. What flower represents your personality?
  4. What do you consider your greatest achievement in life?
  5. If you can build a house anywhere, where would you want it to be?
  6. Love over friendship or friendship over love?
  7. Name a movie that you really, really like.
  8. If I’d ask you to recommend a book, what would it be?
  9. Give 3 words that evoke feelings in you when you say it..
  10. Your favorite comfort food.
  11. What part of your body you pride the most?

Now, spread the love.

Bewitching Poems

I was browsing the internet and heard a very bewitching poem – the kind that scares you because it is so beautiful. I felt the compulsion to share this to everyone. May you enjoy this piece titled: fear of flying (in broken gilbertese). The link will lead you directly to the exact piece. The whole audio runs for more than 30 mins because the hosts actually discussed other poems along with Fear of Flying. All poems deserve to be heard but I find this piece in broken Gilbertese the most special.


Share your thoughts.